


warm and sane

by oakleaf_bearer



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Mentions of Death, Queerplatonic Relationships, Reminiscing, Spoilers for Rusty Quill Gaming Season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 13:33:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30089835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oakleaf_bearer/pseuds/oakleaf_bearer
Summary: "You're staring, Zolf."Zolf hummed. He was fully aware that he was staring, just as he was aware Wilde had caught him a full five minutes ago and had only brought it up now.-zolf and wilde reminisce over old timesset in 179 just after zolf and wilde's pre-dawn chat but before the breakfast
Relationships: Zolf Smith & Oscar Wilde
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56





	warm and sane

**Author's Note:**

> the working title for this was '*slaps the top of zoscar* this qpr can fit so many feels'
> 
> ty to jimmy and iez for being the best beta readers ever

  
  


"You're staring, Zolf."

Zolf hummed. He was fully aware that he was staring, just as he was aware Wilde had caught him a full five minutes ago and had only brought it up now. Wilde was sat on the armchair, leafing through a book, long legs casually crossed, looking like the picture of relaxation rather than a man who had, until recently, been dead. 

"Have I got something on my face?"

Wilde had changed a lot in the last few years, but the white hair was the most obvious. Without the scar, his smirk was more even, just a hint of the clumsiness that came with disuse. 

"Really Zolf, I don't know if I should be flattered or worried."

"Knowing you, it's both."

"Oh, he speaks." Wilde closed his book and turned towards Zolf. "Please, oh great one, give us your wisdom."

"Don't be an ass." Zolf said, then caught Wilde just as he was about to speak. "And don't make that joke."

Wilde smirked again, dutifully avoiding the quip. "So why are you staring? Or do I have to fester in my curiosity?" 

"Just thinking."

"About?"

"You."

Wilde turned away, not enough to hide the subtle blush and the self-satisfied smile. "Flattered it is then."

"Thinking about when we met." It wasn't a lie. The topic had been on his mind for a while now, since before the ship had crashed. Something about having Hamid back had made him nostalgic, and then having too much time on the ship alone with his own thoughts has sent him skipping down memory lane. 

"Goodness, that was a while ago."

Zolf chuckled. "I was going to drown you in a bucket."

Wilde rested his chin on his hand, elbow propped against the arm of the chair. "Thank goodness you didn't, hmm?"

"Who said I'm not still considering it?"

Wilde laughed, much more relaxed than Zolf had seen him in a while. "I think if you were ever going to drown me in a bucket, you would've by now. No offence, but I feel like we've worked past that at this point." Wilde gave him a wide smile, then went back to his book. 

Zolf watched him read for a few more minutes until he spoke again. "You slept with Bertie."

Zolf took a small bit of satisfaction in the way that Wilde spluttered slightly. Catching him off guard was always a joy.

"It was for a good cause."

"Course it was. You still did it."

Wilde turned bodily towards him, sitting at an awkward angle in the chair. "Are you angry at me?"

"No. Just reminiscing." Zolf shrugged. "Things have changed quite a lot." 

"They have indeed." Wilde shook his head fondly, white hair dancing around his face. "Gosh, I'd almost forgotten about Bertie."

"Was he any good?"

That got another smirk. "You tell me, you've read Cambell's book." 

Chuckling, Zolf sat back on the bed. "I'll take that as a no." 

"I'll spare you the details."

"Thanks." 

Wilde hummed. He stared at Zolf, chin on his hand, tapping his cheek with one slender finger. Zolf stared back, content to be allowed to watch Wilde in a rare moment of calm. Their lives for the past two years had been one insane adventure to the next, and it was nice to have a beat to rest, however temporary. 

"Wilde..."

"Yes, Zolf?" 

"If I hadn't left in Prague-"

"Don't." Wilde held up a hand to stop him. "You know how I feel about catastrophizing, Zolf. Thinking about what could have been isn't helpful."

"I know, but- I didn't have Poseidon, I didn't have my friends, I was sort of lost. Then you came sauntering back in-"

"I hardly think I sauntered."

"Fine, you came stumbling back in looking like shit."

Wilde raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. 

"Just... thank you for coming back. Thanks for not, you know, giving up on me." 

"If I'd known my death was all that was needed to make you open up, I-"

"No." Zolf said, possibly too sharply. "Don't finish that sentence, Wilde."

Wilde, for once, did as he was told and shut up. 

It was past dawn by now, and in the lull of the conversation, the sound of the rest of their party waking up could be heard. Hamid's voice, brighter and clearer than the others, came down the corridor, greeting Barnes and Carter cheerily, followed by the much quieter sounds of Azu asking Kiko if she'd like to go for a walk. 

"We'll be summoned soon enough." Wilde muttered, leaning over to put his book on the bedside table. A glance at the cover told Zolf it was one of the Cambell's that he had brought with him. Wilde had likely pilfered it from his bag while he wasn't looking, but at least he was looking after it. It didn't matter if he'd only just got Wilde back, there would be hell to pay if he damaged one of Zolf's books. 

"They're all still waking up, we've got some time."

"Of course."

This wasn't new territory. They'd shared a room before while on the road, had plenty of mornings just the two of them before the others woke up. Even on the ship, where they'd seen less of each other than usual, they'd still found quiet moments to be alone. Zolf wasn't the best with people, but he'd learned to read Wilde. Part of it was a necessity from the road, the intrinsic recognition that came from only being able to trust one another mixed with the need to be able to tell when the other was compromised, but part of it was just trust born from proximity and mutual grief. He'd seen Wilde at his best and at his worst, and Wilde had seen the same from him. The tension of their first meeting, sullied by headbutts and snarky comments, had melted away without either of them acknowledging it. 

What was new was the horrifyingly fresh memory of Wilde splayed out in the snow. The feeling of his skin, cold with death, the stillness as he'd been laid out in the hall with Zolf kneeling next to his head. The soft white hair curling around his ears. Zolf didn't have a name for that feeling, something just beyond the grief he'd become so used to, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn't shake that away. 

So he folded it neatly, tucked it somewhere just inside his breastplate, next to his brother and Sasha, not quite brushing shoulders with them, but close. 

"Zolf? You've got that look again."

He frowned. "What look?"

"You're brooding." Wilde said with a quirk of his head.

"I don't brood."

"Certainly looks like it."

"I'm just thinking."

"You're being very intense with it. Forgive me, most of us find thinking to be less taxing."

Zolf threw a pillow at him. It hit him square in the face, muffling Wilde's bright laugh. "We should go down to breakfast soon. I think Hamid will have roused everyone by now. You should eat actual food for once."

"Are you implying that your cooking back at the inn wasn't actual food?" Wilde asked, leaning forward to put the pillow back on the bed. "Because if you've been secretly poisoning me all this time, it would be nice to know what I now have immunity to."

"I meant food that wasn't cooked by me."

Wilde stood and stretched his long limbs. "Zolf, you should know that I love your cooking." 

"Knew you kept me around for a reason." 

"Many reasons. Should we go down together? Or will Hamid gossip too much, do you think?"

"Sod him. If he says anything, I'll put him to rights." Zolf followed Wilde towards the door to the room that Zolf had claimed as both of theirs. "Besides, I reckon Cel might be worse than he is for all that."

Wilde laughed again. "They do have a tendency to say the first thing that comes to mind."

The corridor outside their room was empty, but the sounds of chatter drifted up from downstairs . 

"I haven't been fashionably late to a party in a while." Wilde set off towards the stairs. "Reminds me of the good old days." He paused, turning back. "Zolf?"

"Mmm?"

"I don't know if I've said it yet, but thank you. For all of it."

Zolf felt his cheeks darken and was grateful for the partial mask his beard provided. "You would've done the same for me."

"I know, but-" Wilde cocked his head to the side. "It bears saying."

Zolf cleared his throat, shifting slightly on his metal legs. "Since when did you become a sap?"

"Oh, you know." Wilde waved a hand, turning back towards the stairs. "Somewhere between being cursed and dying."

"Right." Zolf chucked and caught up with Wilde. "How could I forget?"

"Honestly Zolf, I'm a little offended that you did." He said, with a gentle elbowing of Zolf's shoulder. 

"Must've slipped my mind." 

Downstairs, Carter laughed at something. Wilde smirked. "We really should join them."

"Go on then." Zolf shooed him down the stairs. 

"Going, going." Wilde held up his hands in mock surrender and descended. Zolf followed him, taking a few steadying breaths to distract himself from the building feeling that something had changed. 

Wilde was still Wilde, at least for now, and Zolf intended to savour that for as long as he could.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me [on tumblr,](https://oakleaf--bearer.tumblr.com/)[on insta,](https://www.instagram.com/statement_boo_gins/) or [join my discord server!](https://discord.gg/A9xFaNh5nQ)
> 
> title is from collared dove by jessica law!


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